How to Effectively Love Yourself

As women, we have a natural tendency to put others before ourselves, especially once we begin our own families. Our own needs and wants seem to fall to the wayside, often leaving us wondering what happened to the “me” that I used to be? It seems ironic that this happens, because we always hear that in order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. So, we do. Then we fall in love with someone else, marry, start families, and begin to lose sight of who we once were. But alas, I am here to tell you that it does not have to be this way. It is possible to love and care for others and still love and care for yourself, if only you try hard enough.

An article in Psychology Today explains how self-love is not something that we can physically attain. We can’t buy it in clothes or indulgences. Instead, Deborah Khoshaba, Doctor of Psychology, defines self-love as “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.” She states, “Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us.”

So, while it’s nice to treat yourself to a shopping spree, a day at the spa, or a dinner with your girlfriends every now and then, women should begin to shift our mindsets towards bettering ourselves from the inside instead.

Maybe this comes in the way of getting more sleep at night so you’re a better version of you the following day. You might find you have more patience with your friends and family or that you’re generally a happier person to be around.

It could be setting your alarm an hour earlier than your kids wake up to squeeze in a quick workout before the crazy of the day ensues.

Self-love is saying “no” when you really don’t want to do something, regardless if everyone else is saying “yes”.

It’s letting others do things for themselves when they’re able, rather than jumping at every opportunity to take care of everyone else.

It’s choosing to be your own cheerleader rather than letting negative thoughts and critiques fill your mind.

I’m not here to tell you this is going to be easy. It’s actually quite the opposite. It takes hard work and dedication every single day to choose to take care of yourself. You must have discipline - discipline to think about your long-term happiness rather than what might seem like a good decision in that exact moment. Discipline to stop taking responsibility for everyone else’s well-being when possible, and discipline to start making your own happiness a priority. 

In order to achieve ultimate self-love, you must commit to making decisions that support and enhance your person every single day. Not once in a while, or when the moment feels right. So, stop looking to indulgences to fill your own love tank. Instead, commit yourself to making healthy decisions each and every day that will prove to make you a happier and healthier person from the inside out. 

About the Author 

Jackie is an army wife who has spent the last three years living abroad in Italy with her husband, writing for Buzzy Blogs as she traveled. Now heading back to the United States, Jackie and her husband just welcomed twin girls to their family! 

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